Ericadianas: My experience

Showing posts with label My experience. Show all posts

Saturday, 27 January 2018

My Encounter With a Yahoo Girl

Ericadianas 12:47:00 My experience , 1 Comments

I was on my way to see a movie. You all know how much I love movies and how long I anticipated Jumanji. The movie was in two hours, I was alone at home and was almost bored to death so I decided to just visit my friend who works in a shopping mall close to my house. I was gonna visit her for one hour during her break period and then use the other one hour to get to the cinemas and place my single self in a strategic position for possible "boyfriend to bes".

As I got to the shopping mall where my friend works, I saw her assisting a young girl. Pretty much my age or maybe two years older. She was all glam, eyeshadow and bronzer popping, was on high heels, the latest clothes on instagram and was wearing my dream hair (I actually felt like harassing her for stealing my dream hair from the future). She was radiating rich, classy and powerful. I stood for like 10 minutes watching her. She was with one guy. The guy looked like her driver but I was terribly astonished when I heard her calling the guy baby. So I concluded that he was her boyfriend or maybe she just likes to call her drivers "baby".

Deep down in my soul, my "oversabi" spirit had concluded that the girl either has rich parents, another rich baby or..... she's fell from the sky with diamonds because she almost bought everything in the mall. She bought chocolate worth about 100k. I'm very sure she can never eat that amount of chocolate even if God blesses her with Metuselah's long life. She bought one "useless" toy for 59.99k because she liked the tyres of the toy car.

Anyways, every thing she bought in the mall was about 500k and the only thing near reasonable that she acquired for herself were condoms and a shoe for her baby driver. Every other thing were quite unnecessary (but it's not my money sha).

The reason I decided to share this story was that, after she had finished paying for the things she bought, she told the workers to tell everybody (all present customers and workers) to collect "anything" they wanted with all bills on her. My mouth opened like "kilode!! Aunty please comman show me the farm where you planted the money that is growing like water leaf"... Everywhere was so tense. Everybody was rushing to collect their dreams. Nigerians are greedy sha, someone almost opened her cake shop with the girls head. I just went and took one small thing (lol. Don't ask me what I took).

I later heard that the girl was into yahoo yahoo and that she has done plus with her baby drivers head. You people should come and teach me how to press laptop o (lol, aside blogging sha)

Afterwards, I carried myself to go and see jumanji...one toaster came to buy me popcorn and coca-cola but I later chased him away with my rudeness. I guess that's why I'm still single.

Saturday, 19 August 2017

A skinny girl is not sexy

Ericadianas 09:15:00 My experience , 1 Comments

In this part of the globe, skinny is not necessary sexy. Overseas, people see skinny as hot but here in Naija, we see skinny as hunger and malnutrition. I have weighed 45kg for 5 years now and i'm about 5ft 6" so I'm a very practical example of a Naija skinny girl (Even though it's not intentional). Along the line of my skinny life, I have encountered various opinions and gestures as regards my weight. I can remember a day when one man (a total stranger) offered me money to eat because he thought I was going to "break" if I didn't eat at that moment.

If you think skinny is sexy and that Beyonce, Rihanna and the likes are termed sexy because they are skinny then you have to see me to become a better judge. The last time I saw Beyonce (on instagram of course) she was not half as skinny as I am.

However, in this short piece, I have put together some challenges that skinny girls like me face on a daily basis and how everybody reiterates the fact that skinny is not sexy directly or in directly.

People call you all sorts of names.

This started happening to me since I was in primary school and I'm still living with it till today. They call me skeleton, toothpick, lekpa, doguwa, broomstick (not even the entire broom, just a stick), selfie stick (I consider this far better than the rest).

"Don't you think you should be a model?"

I've heard this a thousand times. At first I felt I was so pretty that's why the whole world wanted me to model. But then I realised that they meant I couldn't survive in any other field aside modelling. Someone once told me that models don't need energy because all they ever do is smile/frown or pose/walk and that it'll prevent me from "breaking".....

"You'll break in the 'other room'"

Everyone still believes I'm single because I'm skinny. A very close friend told me that men are scared because I might not be able to handle them in the other room and I'm like 'WTF'!!!!! What has skinny even got to do with matters of the other room?

I'm a regular customer to my tailor's.

I visit my tailor any time I visit the market so my clothes can be ammended and adjusted. So I don't just spend money to buy clothes, I also spend money to ammend them.

People don't believe swallow is my favorite food. They believe i live on indomie and junk alone. Anytime I decide not to wear make-up, I'm mistaken for a secondary school sick girl. Everyone seems to leave a final remark on my weight... "You'll blow when you start having babies".

I'm very proud of my skinny and I think size and preference are twins that shouldn't fight all the time. If we prefer someone plumpy or skinny, we should keep it in our thoughts rather than making people feel bad about themselves cause people really do care about what they weigh.

Skinny is sexy just as plumpy is sexy, the only difference is in who's watching.

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

New Buisness Idea: Sell "Papers"

Ericadianas 08:35:00 My experience , 2 Comments

I was in my hostel with some friends few weeks back when a girl walked in and said “paper for sale”. I was astonished and I asked her what kind of paper was for sale…. She dipped her hand in a polythene bag and brought out a sheet of A4 paper with prints on it. I took it from her and the title of the comprehension was “how to find yourself”. This comprehension was just a one sheet of paper (I’ll like to emphasize).

I asked her for the price and she said it was N50. We were all very surprised but we told her we were not interested and she left. When she walked out of my room, my friend said we should just buy her “papers” to help her business (That maybe it was corporate begging). So we called her back and bought four copies….that was N200 with a profit of N160 because printing or photocopying would cost her 10 naira per page. (That might just be more than what I’ve made from this blog in eleven months. lol)

So I read the comprehension “paper” passage and it was the shallowest thing I have ever read with my eyes…one point I can remember was “in finding yourself you have to always be alone” and that point was even one of the points that was close to reasonable. We laughed at the idea and some of us even said it was a disguise for begging but our opinions didn’t stop the fact that she has made N200 from us, it didn’t change the fact that she might just sell all her “papers” and it didn’t reduce the fact that she was on her own journey of finding herself…. Whether the journey made sense to us or not.

I actually took her number and maybe one day I’d call her to come guest write on this blog and maybe by then, she’d be a better writer.

Thursday, 16 March 2017

My Review of "Diamond and Stones" by Ejiro Emenike Ukaumune

Ericadianas 09:25:00 My experience , 0 Comments

Diamonds and Stones by Ejiro Emenike Ukaumune is a captivating fictional novel with Trisha as the main character. According to the author, Trisha never had life so smooth! life was just like a 'DIAMOND' until she began to face the obstacles and hitches of life, just like ‘STONES’ being thrown at her path.

I must applaud the author for the plot of this novel as it took me by surprise each time I turned the pages.... or rather swiped the pages from my Okadabooks app.

Trisha is wise, beautiful, and seems to have somethings going well for her till she innocently opens the door for a woman with a baby who changes everything about her life. What happens to the baby and the mother will leave you glued to your chair either crying at a point, or screaming, but definitely keeps your heart racing.

I love the author's unique style of writing. She writes in first person in a way that makes it seem as though she's talking directly to a reader. I also enjoyed her skills in the use of suspense that keeps you unsure of what will happen next; dragging your appetite further. Also, there was the use of comedy in the way Trisha thinks and alot of humor between Trisha and the Cab Driver.

In this novel, there is love, action, trills, religion, hate, adventure, betrayal and lots more. I must say that it was a very worthy read as well as a must-read. It teaches some of life's principles and also helps one understand how to handle life's pressure.

The only issue I have with the novel was that it ended too soon.

You could crab your copy from Okadabooks just as I did by clicking here.

Sunday, 12 March 2017

My Agemate Just Made 2.7 Million Naira.

Ericadianas 13:06:00 My experience , 2 Comments

Today in church I was quite late and was still trying to get myself settled when this guy with cute shoes (I can't say that for his face) came up for thanksgiving.

This young man in his mid-twenties was crying as he shared his story. From how his family has been very poor after the death of his parents, to how his uncles had driven them out of their own father's house.

According to him he has been staying with the pastor of the church all along. I felt really sorry for him and my gaze was glued to his shoes as I was still waiting for the bombshell of how he acquired them.

After the burial of one of his Aunty who died of an accident, six of his uncle's flew in from outside the country. As they came in, his pastor prayed for him that he will find favour in the sight of his family members. Few days after the burial, one of his uncles asked what his plans were and he said he wanted to buy instruments for his "Dj work". The uncle travelled back overseas and a week later he got an alert of 2.7 million Naira (This was last week-Was really quick for him to purchase the shoes anyways).

After his testimony, I still couldn't stop staring at his shoes. When it was time for offering he was holding clean new notes of the highest denomination in Nigeria Currency (I know....I just didn't wanna say 1000 Naira) and fat envelopes of maybe tithes. Not that I planned to look but he held it in such a way that the blind could see. On the other hand, I left my purse at home and there was only 30 Naira in my bag (Just imagine how I held my own offering).

After church, some of the girls from the choir stand ran (fast and furious) to him and maybe some of their first compliments would be "I like your shoes". However, I walked out of church dialling my uncles numbers but all of them were unreachable....

I'm sorry there is no picture, that will be done as soon as I snap his shoes. Maybe in church next week.😕

Saturday, 11 March 2017

What's The English Name of This Fruit

Ericadianas 17:45:00 Food , My experience 1 Comments

For many years I have pondered and wondered what the English name of this fruit could be. My discoveries led me to know that the Yorubas call it "Awin", the Igbos call it "Icheku", the hausas call it "Tsamiyar kurim". Still i wasnt able to find its english name.

Thank God for the plant biologist that visited my family today. As we were all enjoying our afternoon with this fruit, without me asking he said "Do you know that the English name of this fruit is Black Velvet Tamarind? Also its botanical name is Dialium guineense"

As soon as he said it, I quickly googled the name for confirmation and of course he was correct!

That's how your questions will be answered without you asking this month😇

What is this fruit called in your language?

What's in Six Months From Now?

Ericadianas 14:17:00 My experience , 2 Comments

At times I try to look into my "six months from now" and it is very unknown and often times scary. By then, I'd be a graduate, become independent (cut down on allowances), be waiting for NYSC, be contemplating where to do my masters or if to even do masters at all, be looking for a six months job or training to keep me occupied and be striving to put in more energy into blogging.

It's gonna be a whole new system for me and I'm honestly not sure if I'm ready to face the world beyond the corners of uniben. I try as hard as possible not to think about it but the human in me still steal away glances of what is not clear in my "six months from now".

I realized, above all things that one should live out every single moment and stage in life because we are never totally sure about what is next; all we can do is to only guess. I've explored my niche and beyond in this past four years of my life and I strongly doubt I'd ever get the chance to live like that again. I'd never be able to do crazy and irrational things because I'd feel I'm too smart or maybe too old to just live freely.

So sky dive, swim, go to the beach, take icecream, kiss in the rain, go on sleepovers, eat out, eat new delicacies, go to the movies, get high, dance, learn new things, make friends, party, make-up, wear what you like, exhaust your mind and never stop dreaming because you really don't know what's in your tomorrow let alone your "six months from now"

As for me, I'm gonno enjoy the euphoria of being a final year brethren and then in six months time, I'd start exploring the life of a graduate. Just as Jesus said "tomorrow will take care of itself"

Tuesday, 14 February 2017

My black Valentine

Ericadianas 01:49:00 My experience , 0 Comments

Although black is my favourite colour yet I don't fancy its literary meanings. As we all know, Valentine is a season of red (I'm still trying to figure out why), its a season of love where couples do red things (whatever that means.lol) and its a period of romantic acts.

On Valentine's day last year, I was still very much single to stupor while my friends were all practically swimming in the red pools of relationships. So I was left cuddling with the red stew my mum brought to school for me that cold romantic red morning. I didn't have any plans for the day, all I wanted to do was eat up the chocolate my friends will be receiving ( my long throat symptom).

The gifts started coming in by late noon, girls in my hostel were opening all kinds and sorts of red things. Some red phones, teddy bears, cakes, shoes, letters, pads (I'm still wondering why), underwears, toothbrushes, towels, chocolate, perfumes, and one girl even got a red version of paracetamol. I wonder if the guy wants her to die of headache or something. However, I kept laughing and rolling on the floor while watching various reactions from the girls; all ranging from sweet "awwns" to sour WTFs.

That day, my Valentine was a red comic relief and I was still enjoying it until a phone came in from my ex while I was eating the last portion of my mum's pepper stew in the late hours of the day. He told me to meet him outside my hostel and since we still kept good communication I didn't hesitate going out.

We were chilling in his car when he handed me a black box with my name crested in gold and upper case on the left hand side "ERICADIANAS". I opened it and I saw a black plastic rose with a red wedding invitation card. He was inviting me for his wedding. "But why the black rose? Can't you just invite me Like that?" I asked him but only in my head. We had broken up six months ago and he was so fast in moving on. I wasn't even ready to have an handshake with just any guy and he was fully ready to tie me out for good.

I froze in time and words, not knowing exactly how to respond or react. I wanted to ask him why he was so mean but I decided to be mature about it so I appreciated and congratulated him on his wedding and hopped out of his black car.

I got back to my room and just before the girls started cheering and screaming, I threw the red card and black rose on the ground and buried myself on my bed. I wasn't crying and I wasn't laughing; I was just stuck somewhere between bitter and cold and I stayed there for some days till I realized that I too had to move on.

The remaining hours of my valentine that day was specially to review black memories and eat chocolates that were gifted to my friends.

....and guess what?? I ended up drinking two tablets of the red version of that paracetamol. I guess it was useful anyways.

Monday, 13 February 2017

The best way to drink garri

Ericadianas 19:12:00 Food , My experience 0 Comments

The first glimpse I had of this picture gave me no idea it was garri till I saw the caption on Naija Single girl's instagram handle that said "This garri graduated with a CGPA of 5.0"

Some past few weeks, I was having a terrible eating disorder. I barely thought about food, I barely ate and I began to lose all the weight I had been acquiring since birth. When I don't eat for like a day and half, I would slump anywhere possible; on the street, in my house, and once while attempting to cross the road.

My weight was terribly low, my body mass index was unbelievable (shame will not let me to say exact figures), everyone kept asking what was wrong with me but I couldn't even fathom that for myself. My parents were getting scared and I swear, I was ten times more terrified.

Throughout the time of my struggle, food was a turnoff to me...no matter how beautiful it looked I just wasn't interested. However, staring at this sexy garri up above, I know that deep down if I had seen it, I would have received automatic healing cause it is way different from the usual garri, sugar and tiny balls of groundnut I'm used to.....it completely would have won in seducing my heart away from anorexia.

Anyways, my mum got me a handful of drugs that has been helping me eat but I plan on stopping them once I reach a particular weight on the scale and this garri by chef_six with ice "blocks", groundnut, coconut, fish, meat, milk and the other thing I can't recongize has inspired me.

So if you are in a place like I was, then please go see a doctor on time, see a psychologist, balance your diet, pray, be ready for healing and above all get inspired by this garri's picture up above.

Monday, 2 January 2017

10 Words Nigerian Parents Do Not Understand

Ericadianas 08:13:00 My experience , 0 Comments

1. Privacy.

Nigerian parents will never ever give you privacy. They will never knock on your door before entering if you like be masturbating or be watching porn. If you want privacy, kuku pack away from their residence.

2. Allowance.

Allowance?? Like allowing you live in their house right?? Apart from that, Nigerian parents cannot understand why you need allowance in this life. Except its the allowance that your tailor is suppose to leave inside your cloth sha.

3. Rest.

Biko, rest in which house?? God created the whole universe before he rested ni. What have you done with your life that you want to rest?? Except you want to rest in peace sha!

4. Thank you.

Hmmm, Nigerian parents can only tell you thank you on what occasion. When you tell them "I love you"

5. Sleep over

You want to goan sleep over because you don't have house again abi? Your house have burn, your parents have die. "Go to your room my friend!"

6. Grounded

They don't have time to be grounding you. Just bring the koboko on top of the locker abeg.

7. Please.

So you want your African parents to be telling you please because they asked you to bring the TV remote that is in the same chair they are sitting. "Who you epp?"

8. Sick.

You are healed in Jesus Name Amen! Oya goan fetch water.

9. Sorry.

How can your Nigerian Parents say sorry when they are never wrong. I tire for you o!

10. S*x.

Error 404!! That word doesn't exist.

ALSO SEE

These New Year Tags Though

Rape is unwanted s*x between husband and wife.

11 sure signs she is no longer interested in

What you need to do this Christmas

Annoying and funny ways Nigerian girls dress to slay

Had a date, saw him and then he DIED.

How to spot a fake phone on sight

Sunday, 1 January 2017

These New Year Tags Though.

Ericadianas 08:30:00 My experience , 8 Comments

It's time for the New Year, New Me Resolutions that'll last for 3days for some people. The only thing that"ll last till the end of the year will be the date on their papers; "2017"

I appreciate the fact that I woke up this morning with diverse messages on my phone from friends I never knew could be so prophetic. Some of the messages ended in these formats.

Friday, 30 December 2016

When a guy stands you up.

Ericadianas 07:31:00 My experience , 1 Comments

I was on my own few days before Christmas when this friend of mine buzzed me on whatsapp. He has been a very good friend although I had met him just once. The other time I was suppose to meet him was when he invited me to attend a concert but I couldn't make it cause I had other plans.

Tuesday, 13 December 2016

Had a date, saw him and then he died.

Ericadianas 07:28:00 My experience , 3 Comments

I had just highlighted from a bus around 9:30 pm when a car parked close to me on my way back from "Revealing Jesus". The driver offered me a ride but then I told him that my house was just opposite the road and the ride wasn't needed. However, he insisted on getting my contact to call me up and be friends. "I wouldn't bug you, I

Monday, 5 December 2016

My frog catching project work

Ericadianas 07:44:00 My experience , 3 Comments

Alarm buzz!! 2:40pm!

I jumped off the bed and hurried to the bathroom to take what I'll like to call a "shower" even though it was just pouring water all over my body without proper "soaping" and "scrubbing".

I was still trying to get co-ordinated when my phone rang so I drew near to swipe the green botton of the broken Samsung screen with my wet hands.

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

She was almost injured to death by a taxi thief

Ericadianas 05:37:00 My experience , 0 Comments

I was helping my mum out with shop chores yesterday when we heard a loud cry from outside. We hurried outside and saw a very pretty lady crying on the road with blood all over her body. Trust Nigerians and their caring "Tafia" spirit, the whole place was packed with people with hands on their waist and asking her what happened in no time.

Saturday, 19 November 2016

My experience in an Edo State taxi

Ericadianas 11:51:00 My experience , 0 Comments

Once again i was running late for my 9am swimming class Saturday last week, 8:55am and i was still at home. I dashed out of the house with my new purple purse to open the gate for my dad. I had just got that fancy purse few days back and trust me, ownership don dey shak me! As i had transferred some of my important stuff into it that morning; my school ID card, ATM card and N5000 for a dissecting set and a rain boot (Final year project field work).

#Yeah i know i said it again... wink!

Dad was going for a function and he decided to drop my mum and I off where we could get public transport to our various destinations. My mum was on her way to see my granny so we took the same taxi (Not Cab). The pool was just 5 minutes drive from my granny's house.

As usual# Funny Edo state taxi drivers!

In their small 'Audi 80', they would still insist on carrying four passengers at the back seat and two at the front. My mum got comfortable as she paid for the two spaces in front but I was almost suffocating beside this lady seating close to me. She had a very big booty and bad body odour; meeeehn i was soooo uncomfortable! "How in heaven's sake do i breathe!!". "Madame please adjust", at least i asked politely, but all i got was a frowning face; 'like she owned the taxi'.

#journey continued...

The driver kept swearing and cursing the Nigeria Police as he drove in top speed, while I kept wishing that one of the passengers was a policeman so he'll beat him up and I wouldn't have to pay the 100bucks for the fare. Unfortunately, we were all civilians.

Instagram was my saviour from the driver's panting and ranting as I carried my back pack on my laps and placed my purse on top the back. When I got to my destination, I got off the taxi and mum paid for my fare and bid me goodbye.

"How much last for the earpiece" I asked a sales rep selling phone gadget along the road.

"Aunty it's 300 last" she replied. So I dipped my hand into my back pack to pay her.

E don happen#

I scattered my bag really bad but couldn't find the purse. It had slipped off my lap on the taxi. Jeez!!!! My heart started to skip like I was in an action film. I kept calling my mum but the ANNOYING mtn lady kept saying "unreachable", pumping out my adrenalin gaster than normal.

With tears in my brain I managed to walk to the pool. My course mates consoled me and told me that I'll be fine (Though no one offered to give me my precious 5k back). It was after my mum got off the taxi that she told me she didn't even notice anything at all.

I just packed the pieces of myself to school the next morning to retrieve my ID card... And here we are the list of items needed...!!

Police report (as if I killed someone)
Affidavits
Letter to my VC
Payment of 500 naira to the bursary
School fees printout

I wonder the kind of form donald trump filled before assuming office#

Humph...

I honestly don't even know where to start in the list.

Lesson learnt.

When in any public transport, always keep your purse in your bag if you have one, and don't get distracted with Instagram...

ALSO SEE

And I came out alive in the road accident

My funny experience at a Nigerian Hospital

Lectural offered me half a million to sleep with him

How to get rid of mouth odour

How to stop snoring

Make cheap clothes look expensive

The fastest way to get rid of pimples

He Penetrated her

You were raped in his bedroom, he whispered "face the wall"

How to get noticed in a naija class

How to get more followers on Instagram

How to stop bleeding with pepper, spider web and glass

Tuesday, 8 November 2016

My experience at a Nigerian hospital

Ericadianas 07:30:00 My experience , 0 Comments

Naija hospitals are off the hook... The experience you get there can burst your brain; trust me... I meant that literarily... Lol. Respect for god fatherism, similar traits like it's custom and tradition, old or inexperienced nurses, poor facilities... Name it!

Monday, 7 November 2016

And I came out alive in the road accident

Ericadianas 05:47:00 My experience , 1 Comments

Ever had the cruising thought that night journeys are the best? No heat from sunlight, no hold ups on the road, and of cause; no stress worrying about what you would wear, it's actually 'dark'... Well... I did too, until..... I had my slice from life's bitter lemon lolz.

Saturday, 29 October 2016

Professor offered me half a million to sleep with him

Ericadianas 09:21:00 My experience , 2 Comments

I was on my way to my best friend's place yesterday when a black sporty car grounded to halt beside me. I wasn't at my best and I'm not actually used to cars halting for me on the road, so, I continued walking. The car moved along with me as it continuously made a 'beep beep' sound, causing awareness like it's judgement day.

Friday, 21 October 2016

Live experience: Coronation of Oba Ewuare II

Ericadianas 10:40:00 My experience , 3 Comments

So yesterday was a really historic and beautiful day for the binis. A New Oba, was Crowned King and I witnessed it (Will witness the next one IJN, Amen!!).