Maybe I Don't Know

2017 was really rough and full of obstacles. 

I thought I had everything planned out, I had New Year Resolutions. 

I would make my first million before December 31, I would be connected to the high and mighty. I would write at least five books. I even planned to find Bae before 2017 ran out. But it did not go as planned.

I am currently young, dumb and broke. And Bae-less too.

I thought I knew everything. Or maybe I really don't know.

I don't know if I will finish this game. This game of life. This game of success. This game of good versus evil. A game of alternating between the black and white sides.

I don't know if I am just a pawn in this game. Or a regular piece constantly manipulated by someone else.

I don't know if I will find (or I have found) my knights. Guys who will cut corners and jump over obstacles just to see me win. I will be their knight too.

I don't know if I will find (or I have  found) my rooks. Guys who will walk the extra mile and defend me any day, any time. I will be their rook too.

I don't know if I will find my Queen, the rightful heir to my heart, soul, strength and might. The lady who will support and defend me from all sides. I will do the same for her too.

I thought I should give up and run back to my shell. After all, I was young, dumb and broke. But I kept playing the song 1-800-273-8255 by Logic featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid. And I realize I still had love to give.

As I write this post, lying on my bed while the white low energy security bulb of my neighbour's house reflects on my dark room that has not seen NEPA lights for months, the lyrics of Jon Bellion's IDK replays in my head:

"I guess if I knew tomorrow, I guess I wouldn't need faith.

I guess if I never fail, I guess I wouldn't need grace.

I guess if I knew his plans, I guess he wouldn't be God."

Maybe I don't know, but maybe that's okay.

God is on my side. My guys are on my side.

So for Now, I will keep moving.

Two steps at the start. That's beginner luck.

One step at a time. Till I become successful. Till I win in this game of life.

Till I get to the other edge of the board.

That's all I need to know.

A year changes a lot. Trust me, 2018 will be that year.

Zamai Banje.

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